In Memoriam: Honoring Your Loved Ones with a Heartfelt Eulogy

For many people, it can be pretty overwhelming to deliver a eulogy. You’ve lost someone close to your heart, and you see the people around you living life with no idea of the loss you’ve suffered. And now you have to deliver a speech that honors that loved one. In times like these, even the most experienced orators have a hard time finding the right words.

But what most people forget is that a eulogy is an expression of your grief, your profound personal loss. It isn’t supposed to be eloquent or even fluent. Instead, the purpose of a eulogy is to help the audience understand the loss you feel by paying tribute to the exemplary life lived by the deceased.

Putting Pen to Paper: Getting Started

If you look at the intent behind it, a eulogy is one of the most challenging speeches to write. Not because it’s difficult to honor your lost loved ones, but because it’s hard to think straight when you’re in that state of grief. You can find many eulogy examples on the internet to inspire you, but the fact of the matter is that there is no set formula to write a powerful eulogy. It needs to come from your heart.

That is why one of the most important things to remember when writing a eulogy is that there’s no need to rush it. Remembering those precious moments spent with the deceased will make you emotional. So make sure you take a break and grieve whenever it gets too much to continue.

Understand that this speech is part of your grieving process, and will you come to terms with your loss and move on. Take your time, and put together a string of anecdotes that depict the best qualities exemplified by the departed. Explain how they affected your life and helped you develop a positive outlook on life.

The Day of the Eulogy: Keeping Your Composure

Now that you’re done writing a powerful eulogy, the next step is to deliver at the funeral service. While it might be hard keeping your composure while paying tribute to your loved one, there are a few tips that might help you.

1. Get a good night’s sleep. It will help you stay calm and keep your emotions under check on the day of the ceremony.
2. Practice giving the speech in front of a mirror. It will help you memorize the focal points of your address and pinpoint any issues during the speech delivery.
3. Wear something relaxed the day of the ceremony. Lay out your clothes and other necessities the night before to prevent any last-minute hassles.
4. Eat something before the ceremony. That will keep you from getting lightheaded or nauseous during the speech.
5. Have a bottle of water and tissues handy. A few tears or getting choked up are natural during a eulogy, especially if you are the one giving it.
6. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, take a break and breathe deeply. The audience understands that it’s going to be hard for you. So take your time before moving on with the speech.
7. Speak calmly and slowly. It’ll make the speech more memorable and let the audience reflect on and appreciate the lost life.
8. Have a backup in case you are not able to deliver the speech. A funeral or a wake can be highly emotional moments, and it is entirely natural to let your emotions out. However, having someone to back you up will help you remain calm and collected.

What to Avoid?

Due to the nature of a eulogy speech, a few things need to be avoided when writing one. While you and the deceased may have had a deep and meaningful relationship free of judgment, you need to factor in the audience as well. Therefore, a few things to avoid in a eulogy are:

• The cause of death. A eulogy is not the time to discuss how the person died. For example, if the deceased died of a disease, focus on their battle to live.
• Any shortcomings. While you might be aware or have accepted the flaws of the deceased, the audience does not need to know about them. Instead, they need to celebrate the qualities worth emulating.
• Inappropriate life stories. While a bit of levity can uplift the mood at a funeral, doing so at the expense of the deceased is not a great idea. Try to avoid any embarrassing anecdotes or memories in your eulogy.
• Bad life choices or decisions. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives. But their death isn’t the time to revisit those poor life decisions. Instead, celebrate the positive change the deceased brought about in their lives and the world around them.
• Any Grudges. Even among close family, fights are a common occurrence. Despite any grudges you might have had against the departed, their eulogy is not the time or place to discuss it.

In short, delivering a eulogy can be pretty nerve-wracking, whether you’ve asked for the honor or have been nominated to do so. And if it is for a loved one, then doubly so. Writing a great eulogy while grieving can be challenging, but if you follow the simple do’s and don’ts listed above, you’ll be able to pay tribute and honor the memory of your departed loved ones.